I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
