GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
