Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize