just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
