why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
