Your face is a jimmy john
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My penis needs a shock collar
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
