i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
bring money and cleavage
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
