What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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