So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
