Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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