I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
