I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize