I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
