Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
