I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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