You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I am mentally ready for anal.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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