just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
