She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
