i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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