she was so not down for the gang bang
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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