I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
no, he came in my armpit
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
