You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
