Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
