i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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