Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
