16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
