I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
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You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
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It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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