You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
