home. puking in laundry basket.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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