I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
