we have pet lesbian snakes
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
