1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
