Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
