Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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