Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
