What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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