jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
