You just made me feel so damn special
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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