We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
