wanna go halves on a baby?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
