Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
