I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
