Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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