All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I have already put on my inside pants.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
