My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
it glows. i had to have it.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
