I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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