I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
