sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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