FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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