Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
