He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
