I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
