you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
