It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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