i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
