a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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