He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
