What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize